Today I'm working. I'm excited about my job. I enjoy it immensely. I can't tell you how awesome it is to love your job and look forward to it each day. :)
Today is also M's birthday. He would have been 28. Instead he's in a cemetery in Glendale.
Its days like today that cause me to have mixed feelings. I'm happy in my marriage to E. He's incredible and I feel so blessed. But there are times when I still miss M.
I honestly believe that everything has worked out for the best. My marriage to M was pretty much over with. I loved him, but not as a spouse loves their mate. I don't mean to sound harsh. I didn't want him to die. I'm still traumatized over that day.
How is it possible to be sad and happy/content at the same time? My brain feels confused. I feel confused. My daughter still wears her little cross necklace with M's ashes in it. She's still traumatized over that day. I still feel guilt over what she went through. I still miss him. But I miss what we had. Not what we had become.
I need to text his mom. Let her know that I'm thinking about them today and praying for them.
How do I sort these feelings out?
No comments:
Post a Comment